And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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