Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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