yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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