you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
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I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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