ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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