I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's never too late to be topless.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize