just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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