the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
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