Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize