i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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