pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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