to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize