I skipped work to stalk him.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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