"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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