Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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