I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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