The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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