so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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