guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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