I heard we made out
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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