Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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