Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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