Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize