Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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