I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
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Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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