i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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