the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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