I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize