he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize