There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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