it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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