i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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