i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did not marry a roomba.
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