4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize