I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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