respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
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He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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