Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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