Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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