the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize