I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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