my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize