We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
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My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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