you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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