I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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