last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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