yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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