his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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