I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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