He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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