This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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